6-05-2009


Odio

Odio a las personas. Hay días que más, hay días que menos, pero no puedo evitar sentir un desencanto general en cada momento en que me relaciono con mi entorno con algo más en mente que ser cordial. Y no, no solo es el odio a las características propias del ser humano como ser vivo. Odio más que a nada al nuevo ser humano social: egoísta, malicioso, inconsciente, inocente, cobarde, dependiente…

Odio sus mecanismos de defensa, tan evidentes pero aún con todo tan ignorados, odio su afán por evitar el dolor necesario, odio su insistencia a la hora de sentirse acogidos o sentirse parte de algo más grande aunque sea todo una burda mentira. Odio como creen tener unas necesidades que no tienen en absoluto, su capacidad para dejar que la responsabilidad resbale por sus vidas dejando libre albedrío a las consecuencias.

Odio sus patrones de actuación, sus reglas artificiales e ilógicas que no aportan nada a nadie y su predilección por el camino más fácil independientemente de lo que suponga a su entorno. Odio sus excusas, tristes y poco elaboradas, que demuestran además que por no esforzarse, no se esfuerza ni cuando intenta zafarse de problemas.

Odio lo lamentables que son cuando se preocupan por todo lo que no tiene ningún valor, cuando se dañan unos a otros con brutal eficiencia bajo la máscara de la inconsciencia. Odio su falta de principios definidos, su adherencia inmediata al mayor interés y lo poco consecuentes que son con su propia existencia.

Odio como se unen automáticamente cuando ellos mismos han descuidado su defensa, esperando que así puedan mantener escondidas de la vista las cuerdas que mueven sus extremidades. Odio su corta memoria y su incapacidad para aprender de los errores, sobre todo si sigue existiendo más sujetos cometiendo esos mismos errores. Odio la falta de respeto que le hacen al concepto de inteligencia cada vez que hablan de ella.

Pero sobre todo, lo que más odio es como todos hemos ayudado y ayudamos a que todo esto se mantenga así. Con cada acción, con cada mentira, con cada autoengaño, con cada momento de inconsciencia, con cada acto de egoismo. Te odio a ti. Y a ti. Y a vosotros. Y a ti también. Y aunque me siento totalmente enajenado y hago un gran esfuerzo por alejarme de esta corriente, también me odio; soy humano, como los demás.

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5-05-2009


Hard path

The only path to self-actualization is the hard path.

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7-04-2009


Identity problems

So many identity problems today and as always post-adolescence has the answer:  you need a girlfriend/boyfriend.

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2-04-2009


Trustworthiness

You don’t need to look further than your close relationships to estimate the trustworthiness of absolutely any information from absolutely any source. Add too the human factor: the efect of interests and the power to control. There you have your answer…

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29-03-2009


The cost of passion

I always felt weird when compared to a lot of my friends. The vast majority of them play their cards really slow, thinking there are always more opportunities. Their strategy not only is based in minimum risk, but usually they don’t wonder about how some thought before can save pain later. I can’t say I am into risky play, but I sure think putting my effort on every play will lead me as forward as I can/want to go. The thing is, in the process, everyone feels you are stupid because they think you are doing a needless effort, one I do because of something I call passion. For me passion is about playing hard, fighting through problems by pure effort as if I were obsessed with the objective. The difference with an obsession is that I can leave it behind when I want, I guess. Some say I am passionate about IT. Others say I am passionate about work. I think i am passionate about solving my problems (yeah, not always!).

But what is the cost of this passion? Well, it’s relative. For me it sure is smaller than just letting things go. But when I talk with others that think differently I wonder how this passion works when you want to “enjoy life” (standard enjoying, I suppose), work less and have no problem being totally dependent on others. And I understand that for today’s society standards, the cost is so big it just scares whoever wants to try. Like any advanced society in the past, this one is being lazier and lazier; Not only it doesn’t like working for others, it doesn’t even want to work for itself. Why work hard to feel right when it is possible to just complain for other to make one feel right? Why try to go ahead and give some meaning to life when it is possible to just leave the wind drag one to wherever it heads? Working hard today doesn’t give benefits as fast as to be considered a standard real solution. Too much work for so less, one could say. But that’s because the real benefits are for one’s inner self only.

They wonder how I can wake up early even on weekend instead of sleeping till mid-day. They can’t even understand how I don’t need to loose more than 10 minutes after eating to continue with whatever I was doing before. No wonder why they think I am stupid (well, I may be stupid). When I see it through what I think is their point of view, it really feels dumb. Obviously, it is a matter of philosophy. And for me, a matter of luck. I haven’t been like this always and now I feel lucky for walking a path that once I felt wrong and painful. Once I understood that sometimes pain is like money in life, and doing some investment sooner can lead you to a different life. The only problem is the cost. Once again, the cost of passion.

Once again, I think society just can’t see the real problem behind this way of living. They think about much effort, no benefits and whatever. But the real problem is that once you are walking, it is really difficult to stop, no matter for what. You’ll fall and will be kicked. But the only thing you will be thinking about is the horizon. That big old horizon you saw once and decided to strive for it. And when you walk towards the horizon, two things happen: It never gets nearer and more importantly, you will become more and more demanding with life, with others and with yourself. That’s the cost, a deeper cost than these few words express, I think. Isuppose there is no perfect way! :-)

Any dogmatic feeling in this post is pure coincidence

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